I've noticed something in the year and a half since my diagnosis with cancer stage IIIC. People treat me differently. And I am not just referring to the way people reacted when he first heard had cancer or saw my bald head of tell - tale (a phenomenon I call "Face of cancer"). I mean the way that behave in my inner and outer circles still around me, even a year of treatment.
Apparently there is a certain grace to those who lost almost more others, "luck," do not receive. I guess that almost dying and having an unknown prognosis gives you any type of pass. It is not that they receive bonuses or free things. I'm talking about gentleness of mercy and attitude.
I have been experiencing an abundance of patience and very little discomfort to me. For example, if I'm late for something or need to change the date, my lunch date will be simply not to say, "you worry! ' «»»"Whenever you can make it OK!»
Or if I mess up, I am inevitably said, "Hey, that is well... everyone makes mistakes!"
And at work, are super-respectful of my time, so I never experienced in my days of precancerous workaholic, clients and colleagues.
I'm very close to my parents and they have been part of my life (with the exception of a couple of rebellious periods, which is a column another). My mother has always been a planner and organizer, and my cavalier approach to programming and quickly was frustrating for her at times. Since my cancer, however, my mother has become incredibly relaxed. Now when I call to say that you I will be half an hour late, says, "every time you arrive here is totally well", and it means that. They are happy to see me whenever they see me. After some of these tolerant exchanges, I asked my husband. "Would you ever noticed how remarkably easy my parents are, above all?", I asked.
"That almost lost him," she said. "Now no matter the little things".
It was then that I realized that this "special" treatment was widespread. Everyone seemed kinder, gentler. Which caused wonder, is me, or are they?
I have realized that I am doing too, easily extendable grace and - better yet - find humor in situations that could have frustrated me in the past. I have more empathy for others. And people or situations that are toxic terminal? I only remove them altogether. Completely the life is too short for such an absurdity.
So why not we treat everyone like this all the time? We talk about not "sweat the small stuff" and "go with the flow", but do many of us actually practice this in our lives? How much energy we burn in its death throes and worry about things that we cannot control or that simply don't matter in the panorama?
That is unwilling to say that we should accept the unacceptable or disrespectful behavior, but rather, why not ask us "How important is?" when faced with a troublesome situation (historically).
I don't know why any of us should have a near death experience - or come to the loss of a loved one, to rest from the eff, but gonna take. You don't have to be that true, however, does it?
What if we all just live our lives in more than one place of gratitude and generosity rather than anxiety and discomfort? What if we just slowed down a little, breathed deeply once in awhile. Clearly there is something to this stop and smelling roses thing. It changes the mentality around.
And do not know how much time we have, we do? I want to treat every interaction with others as if it might be my last of my immediate family for the barista at my favorite coffee shop. And that includes to be more aware of being prompt and courteous and respectful of other times.
Not to say that my life nothing is now but Sun and Rainbow. Far from it. And I still want to be called in my shit. I don't have to deal with gloves of kid, cancer or not. My husband not to cut surplus, and for that I am grateful. And the week past my brother I bother me to not return your call in a timely manner. "Thank God," I said. "Do not fear angry with me already, I should be out of danger".
I guess that it descends to attention, respect for self and others and harvest not only our external battles, but the inmates. Ask us, how important is, really? There is tremendous freedom in releasing only small things. And not think of it as a person giving a pass (do though what would be so bad about it?), but give one.
Now going to tell someone I love how much mean to you. Give a friendly wave crossing guard in the corner. The next time someone steps on a toe, smile and say, "well, is no big deal!"
Image via Brooke Kelly.
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